Huei Chiang

Violinist

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Singing About You 輕聲唱著你

by @elioverbey

The sea for me

Has always been an infinite sensation of freedom

I am embraced

Flexible as a fish, no matter how strong the waves wash over me

I am safe and free

Till

The moment I met you

I see

Your beautiful soul in every single drop of water

You are carefree – like the soft wind

Blows softly through the mountains ahead of me

And instantly disappears without a trace,

Has our encounter ever happened?

There are exactly 1349 km between us

I lie facing the sun

As if her warmth and light, kissing my whole body

I seem to hear

Right now

You whisper the most beautiful language far, far away.

I wish to free my heart

But my heart longs to share with you

I keep my words, my songs

In a bottle

It doesn’t have to reach your port

But it will set my spirit free.

So I sing, I sing, I sing about you softly

Till the moment the last note is sung

You

Will be gone

Sea remains sea,

Blue stays blue.

輕聲唱著你

蔚藍的海洋, 對於我

一直是無窮的自由

被他擁抱著

我如同魚兒班靈活

無論海浪如何衝擊著我

我安全且自在

直到, 我遇見你的那一刻

我在每顆水珠裡瞧見你美麗的心靈

你的雲淡風輕

彷彿吹拂過我眼前的山巒

一瞬間消失的無影無蹤

我們的相遇, 真的發生過嗎?

你我之間相隔了1349公里

我躺著面向著陽光

她的溫暖與光茫擁吻著我

可我似乎可以聽到

你在遠方

正在輕聲的, 細語著世上最美的語言

我想要釋放我的心

可我的心渴望與你分享

我把我的字、我的歌

放在一個瓶子中

它不需要抵達你的港口

但它讓我的靈魂重獲自由

所以我唱著, 唱著

我輕聲唱著你

當最後一個音符結束時

你

也不再停留

海仍然是海

藍仍然正藍

A pearl from heaven- Malgorzata

by @elioverbey

Again, the kingdom of heaven is like unto a merchant man, seeking goodly pearls: Who, when he had found one pearl of great price, went and sold all that he had, and bought it.                                                                                                                     Matthew 13:45-46

God has sent a great gift to me- This beautiful friendship with you

Ever since the moment we met

Two souls have exchanged, shared, laughed and sighed

We have looked into each other’s eyes

Deeply, truly with honesty

I saw a fragile heart that needs to be loved and cared for,

You saw a strong core within me

Which can go through tough times in life

But when I felt at my loneliest, traveling alone

Searching for my goals

You found me, long distance

And gave me comfort and warmth

As if the universe had heard my message…

You hug me firmly, despite how far we are apart

Because you said that there is no border in God’s Kingdom

You, like your name in Polish

Are special as an irregular pearl

White and pure,

With humor, character, wit, and endless love

When the sun shines on your smile

I see a pink silky light coming through your aura

– a caring heart

People are attracted to your appearance,

But yet your mind is even more beautiful

Music is our common passion

That entrances us both,

But love and understanding

Are the true languages we share.

I don’t know if our Gods are the same one

But I know

That I am in your prayer

And you are in mine.

 

P.S.

Dear Life or Dear God,

Thank you sincerely that you have brought such a wonderful person to me, my soul sister. I have never been so certain that no distance, no time, not even death, can make two souls apart

 November 2016

Personal crisis

by @elioverbey

Ever felt so lonely
When you’re actually with someone…?

Lover, who loves and is supposed to understand you,
Doesn’t really enter into
Your deepest sorrow
Your frustration
Nor the goals you have set

Someone who chooses to believe
“Less thinking makes life happier”

Is that really true?
Is it just blind ignorance?

If I don’t watch the news, don’t read the headlines
I also would believe that the world is just fine
Without crisis.

Are we supposed to feel happy by
Staying blind to the differences, the conflicts,
Between different values in life?

Or maybe,
The imperfections I see in my beloved,
Merely reflects the dissatisfaction
Which I feel towards myself?

At this moment
I still don’t know –
If this is our relationship crisis
Or…
My personal crisis!

從來不曾感覺如此的寂寞
當伴侶在旁時？
戀人－一位愛你且應該懂你的人
並不真的了解
你最深切的哀愁
你的挫折感
甚於你的目標

一位寧可選擇
“少想些將多些樂趣”的人生觀

真是如此
亦或是矇眼般的忽視？

如果我不讀新聞, 不看報紙的標題
我也會以為這世界就是如此美好
危機不存
當我們巧妙地忽視彼此的不同, 衝突, 與不同的生活價值觀
真能覺得幸福嗎？

也或許
我在戀人身上看到的不完美
正反映出我內心對自己的不滿？

此時此刻
我仍不知
這是我們感情的危機
還時
自己的個人危機！

Mr. Schubert at the sea

by @elioverbey

“There must be something strangely sacred in salt. It is in our tears and in the sea.”
~Kahlil Gibran
A present for my dear friend- Guy. The poem is also dedicated to everyone who has experienced the changes in the dragon year 2012
 

 

Walking on the sand,
In front of me, there lies the so called
Sea
In such a wonderful sunny day,
Birds singing, wind blowing
I can’t stop my tears
Running down.
Started to walk faster and faster,
The strong wind against my face
The desire of crying
Drowning my heart
“Easy mind, light heart. A mind that is too easy hides a heart that is too heavy”
Tears all over my face,
I tasted my own sorrow,
Salty and bitter:
Salt- from my body
Bitterness- so many mixed feelings which difficult to describe…
Walking towards the sea
Could sea wash off my sorrow?
She doesn’t answer me,
Like God never answers my prayer
“Every night when I go to bed, I hope that I may never wake again, and every morning renews my grief”
I finally tasted the sea
I tasted my tears
I simply give up
I surrender.
There is always an end for everything.
A funny fine line when love ends and death begins, when death ends and life begins.
“When I wished to sing for love,
It turned to sorrow
And when I wished to sing for sorrow,
It was transformed into love”
Time moves ahead,
My steps go forward,
Is there something sacred in salt that our tears and the sea taste the same?
Don’t look back,
Eurydice was drowned in the dark world of the dead,
Lot’s wife was transformed into a pillar of salt.

 

Blue ink fiddler

by @elioverbey

After sending my latest article “Love and something close to love” to some friends, I received a response from my writing friend Patricia (we’ve exchanged poems and she has helped me translating my poems into Spanish).
Have fun reading it, and please don’t hesitate to share whatever brings to your mind, as one of the actions of love is sharing 🙂
This is her e-mail to me:
Dear Huei, thank you for sharing your thoughts, I’m utterly moved and wrote a little bit myself after reading your words. I hope you don’t mind:
Blue ink fiddler  by Patricia Albornoz
Clueless but curious, like the white cat
Words about rebirth arrived unexpectedly in virtual paper
Obvious wreckage but not havoc in sight
What could have happened to her– to them
If you leave, keep your head off your sleeve
Warm breeze
When you write, keep the heart in blue ink
Puzzled but relieved like open played violin string
Her words about love and egocentric rage
Afraid still of the damaged walls and derby all around
Sound derby all around him– them
When you leave, keep your eyes off your sleeve
Quiet sleep
When you write, I know you’ll write- keep the mind in blue ink
The only way out would be through, the given advice
Not assuaged ears nor anesthetized heart to react
Not love inside but outside, in the mind, love inside the mind
Black words printed on unsympathetic paper I’ve got
Now that you’ve left, keep your head off the sleeve
Breath in, breath out to heal
When you write, keep the heart in bright blue ink
Love,
Pati

Love & something close to love

by @elioverbey

I still remember a conversation with my friend years ago, when I was a little girl.
I didn’t like the pop music of that period of time in Taiwan. I started to study the piano and the violin around age 4 or 5, and I always asked my parents to put on classical music at home and in the car.
I simply found that classical music was more graceful, beautiful, and elegant to listen to.
One day I was chatting with my good girl friend- Chia Chun (I think we were about 10 back then), I said, ‘Why is pop music always the same? It’s always about men and women; whether they love each other, or one leaves another, or one is in love but is not loved by the other… isn’t that boring? Like there is nothing else in the world but love!’
My clever friend answered, ‘but, don’t you realize that it’s the same in classical music? The operas and songs were also inspired by love, and that’s what they talk about.’
Her answer somehow awakened me; I had to admit that she was right.
Every piece of art, music, dance… were all created because of love, although there can be different types of relationships involved in the work, but the essence is always about this four letter magical word.
I didn’t pay much attention, nor did I think about the meanings of love, until the moment I suffered because of love; in other words: from the moment I suffered from something I thought was love, something similar to love, or something one has to go through in order to understand what love is.
Talking about love or trying to define love, is like talking about “Tao”; there are different aspects of love, but there is only one true love.
How do parents love their children? Is it unconditional love?
If the children don’t follow their parents’ wish to become someone they want them to be (I’m not talking about killers, nor thieves), the parents start to hurt them by saying harsh, aggressive words, to threaten them in order to make them change their decision: is that love?
When the parents have their own children only because they want to continue and spread their family name and blood (it’s a very typical Chinese tradition), and to have someone to take care of them when the parents grow old, is that love?
Is missing someone “love”?
We miss something or someone because we like their regular presence in our life; “missing” is because “we don’t have”, so is “wanting”.
When we miss someone it can mean that we like and are used to this person’s presence, we are accustomed to see or to be around that person, so when this person is not nearby anymore, we miss him. Missing is one of the expressions of love, but love itself is not “missing”.
There is real love, and the “feeling of love” or the “sensation of love”: we thought that we’re in love with someone, want to be with that particular person all the time, but in fact it’s because we’re attached to the sexual relation, we feel the sensation of love and being loved, and the whole body vibrates in harmony. In a way we are imprisoned by our physical desire, there is no freedom within us. We confuse love with pleasure, fear, jealousy, possessiveness, domination, aggressiveness… Attachment is also not love.
Wanting to control someone is not love. To let someone do whatever he wants when it’s self destructive, is not love. To be attached to someone is not love. Sex is not love. The sensation of love is not love. To tell a lie in order to make someone you love smile is not love. To do something you hate but you continue doing it because you want to make others happy, is not love. You think you’re in love with someone, or you love someone (a family member, partner, a close friend, your teacher or mentor, guru or guide, god…) you respect and love that person so much and gradually his opinions become yours, you’re influenced and you don’t think with your own brains anymore, it’s also not love. 
Is total devotion love? If a mother devotes all her time to her child and her family, ignoring her own interest and emotion needs, is that love? The devotion to a god or a religion, the devotion for a career or a profession, being devoted to an idea or a person, is that love?
I’m just curious about how we understand love, everyone feels love (or something close to love), but I think it’s interesting to reflect on this subject which is so basic and important in our daily life.
On the 16th of June I attended a Holotropic Breathwork workshop in Barcelona (the date is somehow important because I feel it was my “rebirth day”); it was an amazing experience, helping to release my hidden anger and sadness. We were blindfolded, lying on the ground; the idea is that that you start to breathe in and out as fast as you can with the music. There were moments where I felt numb in my upper body, moments when I cried or shouted, moments of dreaming and sleeping, and towards the end I received the sensation of peace.
The facilitators came to me when the “breath session” was finished. They asked how I felt, I said that since some days ago, I have this feeling of tension in my lower abdomen, and they asked if I’d like to work on that area. I said “yes of course”. Fransesc, one of the guides started to put pressure on the area, and asked me to breathe quickly as I did before in the session.
I reached the point where I started to shout and cry again (my abdomen was in pain and I was so sad). Magda (the other guide) helped to open my mouth, so I could shout without biting myself or start to hurt anyone around me. They encouraged me to release as much anger as I could (to shout, swear, cry…), and said that no one there would judge nor criticize my behaviour.
And god, I never cried and shouted so much in my life before.
It was a total relief.
What really moved me was that Fransesc hugged me for a very long time afterwards. For no reason I just cried and cried in his embrace, like a new born baby.
Right there, I felt this great love between human beings, that we don’t know each other’s history but deep down, we do know how each other feels, that the experience I’ve lived, they also have lived, that we are connected – by love.
Maybe because the position was similar (lying on the back), I suddenly remembered the time right after the car accident years ago, while I was in the hospital waiting to be x-rayed. There was this nurse whose name I didn’t even know, taking care of me by my side. She knew about our accident; I was in such great pain that I couldn’t move (I didn’t move at all till the fireman came to get me out of the van, then I was lying down for a total of 3 days in the hospital), and I was afraid that my spine might be broken and would have trouble playing the violin. I was cold, in shock, the nurse held my hand and asked how I felt, I couldn’t express my feelings and she asked: if you feel like crying, just do it!
And it was like a water gate opening; my tears were pouring out till there were no tears left…And all that time she was holding my hand, giving me warmth.
Back then it was the very first time I felt this “love” between people, between people you don’t know and basically you don’t have anything to do with in your life, and both these experiences moved me enormously. The nurse may see me as her daughter or even herself while she held my hand, Fransesc may hold me as his own child, but what I received is pure love, the love of accepting, understanding, caring, encouragement, warmth and comfort.
Years ago, when I first fell in love strongly, a wise lady friend was so happy for me, she said to me: you know what relationship is about? It’s 1+1=1!
In the last 10 years I put the emphasis on ‘1’ in my love relationship; I was perfectly independent but whenever there was a decision to make, I (or we) always made the decision for Us, not for what I wanted to do. What’s not right in this case, is that the pattern would be 0.5+0.5=1 and not 1+1=1.
It’s hard, isn’t it? You cannot lose who you really are in a relationship, yet if two people are egocentric, 1+1=2; it’s two people on parallel roads and not sharing the same view.
Another symbol of balance is Yin and Yang (to describe a woman and a man). To be honest I don’t like this concept of relationship, it feels like that we are in constant search to find the other half (and I am just a half), that a woman is the Yin part, and the Yang presents the male part, and the people have to find the perfect match, or to work on the relationship so that the two parts become one in harmony. Can the Yin and the Yang add up to One on their own? Yes, but it’s not what you imagine.
1+1=1 can apply to every relationship, between family, friends, and lovers; it can apply to oneself with the world. It is harmony, balance, connection, love.
Love is to feel the connection with everyone and everything alive on the earth – this is neither a theory nor something we read, but sooner or later, we experience it!
Love is total attention (awareness) and yes, there is nothing else in the world but Love.

Play how you feel!

by @elioverbey

https://www.ruggieroricci.com


I wanted to start writing this article a month ago, as homage to my former violin teacher Ruggiero Ricci for his 94th birthday (24thJuly), but I was held up by other things. Weeks after, today we are notified that Mr. Ricci died of heart failure on the 6th August 2012.

It doesn’t come as a big surprise because for a long time we knew that he was suffering with a lot of health problems. In the last few weeks he hadn’t been eating nor speaking to anyone; he spent most of the time in bed. Nothing was wrong with him, his body just gradually stopped working because of his age…

I spoke to my ex-husband (violinist Chris Nicholls) and found him in tears. Mr. Ricci has been his long time mentor and our teacher in Salzburg, Chris was also Mr. Ricci’s teaching assistant when I studied there. He said, ‘at least he is not suffering anymore’.

No he is not: and yet what a life he had lived as a great musician!

I have been thinking about him a lot recently because I was preparing for an orchestra audition in Vienna – after so many years of playing the Mozart concerto for the first round, this time in my preparation I reached a point where I felt this total freedom and could just play the way I feel (not the way I want it to be!), and not caring about the technical details which sometimes limited my interpretation in the past.

It was in the year 2000, the day before my first diploma exam in Salzburg, Mr. Ricci said to me on the phone, ‘Honey, always play how you feel!’

This is the very sentence Fritz Kreisler said to him when he played in front of this great Viennese violinist. Mr. Ricci regarded Kreisler as one of the biggest influences in his life, and he repeated this sentence many times to his students.

After years of life experience, working experience, and now thanks to yoga and other spiritual influences, it’s the first time I really understand what’s behind this sentence and really know how I feel.

It sounds crazy and ridiculous, right?

Everyone thinks and feels, how can someone not feel?

Yes in a way I felt, I have been musical and expressive, but there is still a difference between someone who is talented and musical, and someone who really tells a story through his playing and connects with other human beings- this person lives vividly, feels life.

I was reflecting on this phrase a lot: to be playing the way you feel it, is not how you want it. When we want something, it means that it’s something we don’t have: we want to achieve a goal, a certain style of playing or perfect technique: how to do the phrasing and create an atmosphere…there is a point where we want to arrive.

I love Heifetz’s playing, I want to play like him. After I reached some good technical level, I can start to imitate his playing, his taste, where he puts his glissando and vibrato…I’m learning from him, I’m copying him. I want to feel how he felt; I do things which he would do- this is not “to play how you feel”!

How can you say to a student or a musician “play how you feel” when this person is emotionally disconnected? What if he doesn’t know how he feels? He may not feel much because he’s been very well protected by his parents or family, he hasn’t had a chance to make a mistake of his own, plus in our teaching tradition, we are told what to do- the teachers teach us their interpretation as well. When we prepare for an audition or music competition, it is very common to have lessons with the juries, to get the opinions of what they want to hear in order to win.

So, it is very hard to play how you feel, the way that you can identify yourself and be you!

Plus, behind the playing we are also dealing with control of nerves: you can’t play nervously because you feel nervous (well you can but one prefers not to). To play how you feel, it requires the total attention, a relaxed mind and body. To feel is to feel the emotions within us, to connect with ourselves then transmit it to others, it’s to connect to something we already have and we know what it is, and the audience have that too! The energy goes in a circle between the musicians and the listeners; that’s what is magical in live concerts.

It’s an important step because “wanting” is like to imagine, and “to feel” is to visualize, to make it become real.

Mr. Ricci was an inspiring teacher, I actually learned much more from him after I left Mozarteum and started working, than while I studied with him full-time in Salzburg. I remember his teaching, I was much more aware of what I was playing, I listened more to myself.

The greatest thing he said which I never forget is: ‘the best teacher teaches you how to teach yourself!’
This is also the best way to describe his teaching.

While I studied with him in Salzburg from 1996- 2000, I sometimes felt that his teaching approach changed from time to time. But the main thing was that he was very critical about the intonation. We had to practice lots of scales of double stops, and he asked all his students to practice Bach and Paganini. He called the scale practice as “the ear training”, so one can actually establish his technique by training his own ears. If a string player plays out of tune, the main problem is not because he has bad technique, it is because his ears are not trained; not tuned – and all the string players can make huge progress by practicing scales. So when the ears (controlled by our brains) are sensitive enough, we correct ourselves automatically.

And Bach, of course is useful both for ‘brain training’ and musical purposes. He himself kept practicing the 3 fugues of Bach and Bartok’s fugue in later years after he had retired from the Mozarteum.

He was not like other teachers who would tell you exactly what to do, how to phrase here and there. He would only point out when there was something disturbing the music.

I think in a way, there were some students who didn’t appreciate him as much, because normally, at a certain age we want the teacher to tell us what to do all the time, so you feel that the teacher gives you everything right there and you are the one who absorbs like a sponge. He wasn’t like that, he sometimes would stop you, say ”NO”, and kept saying it while the students repeatedly attempted to play this way and that way, until the moment that the student finally found out what he needed to change, then the “NO” stopped.

In the beginning when I just started to work for a chamber orchestra in Spain, I still kept coming back to Salzburg to have lessons with Mr. Ricci, and he was very critical about my playing in that period of time. Many times I came out of classes crying, because I felt that he was being especially picky on me but not with other students. I felt very unfair, but I still did whatever he told me to.

After a student’s concert in the Mozarteum where I played Sarasate’s Romeo and Juliet fantasy (I had very tough lessons on that piece with him, I cried and was angry after the lessons), I called him before I had to leave for Spain again, he congratulated me on my performance and he was really pleased with my playing, he said: because you remembered everything I said and you did it on the stage, you’ve got good brains!

In a way it was very good for me that he gave me some tough times, it’s better to receive strong criticism from a world legendary violinist, which actually made me change and made me stronger under pressure in my student years, than afterwards in a professional working world being picked up by other musicians who may have no idea what they are talking about. 

He himself was a great example to all his students. I say so because it’s not about what he taught but about what he did, and what he was.

He was always interested in the violin; he developed different practicing methods every now and then, and constantly looked for ways to make the violin sound better. I mean, just to see that he played the most varied repertoires all his life, and in his late 80s he started to write a new technique book “Ricci on glissando”. He didn’t stop loving the violin all his life.

I learned all Bach’s partitas and Sonatas with him the first year I studied in Salzburg. I remember very vividly that when I was studying the Ciaccona, I was studying the piece for three weeks running, and every time he had something to say about it. I was getting a bit impatient; I wanted him to say, ‘okay, you can learn something else now’! But he didn’t give any hints. So I asked, ‘Mr. Ricci, till when do I have to play the Ciaccona?’ He smiled and answered, ‘Till the moment you die!’

He was of course half joking, but it is also so true. Ever since that moment, the Ciaccona has been a very special piece for me, I always relate the Ciaccona to a person’s life: the main theme and the variations. It’s like one’s true self, going through different periods of time, different things happening, happiness and sorrow, ups and downs, feeling of being lost, finding oneself again…But the rhythm continues, just like time, that life goes on no matter what.

People tend to relate Mr. Ricci as the Paganini specialist, and the tendency of a human mind is that once you label someone, it’s like he can’t be anything else. There is a quote by Mr. Ricci: ‘A specialist is someone who does everything else worse’. It seems like a joke, right?

He was the first violinist to perform and record the 24 Caprices by Paganini, but his performances of Bach and Ysaÿe’s violin sonatas can move you to tears. As a child prodigy he was famous for playing Mendelssohn and Mozart. His recording of the Prokofiev violin concerto Nr. 1 with the Orchestra of Radio Luxembourg; Louis de Froment conducting (Vox recording) is my favourite recording of him. The way he played the Ernst study Nr.3, how the lines, different voices continue from the first note to the end, is just amazing! Nowadays there may be more perfect violinists than him, but no one had worked like him, to such a tight schedule that he didn’t have proper time to practice; he was reading most of the Ernst polyphonic studies while he recorded them (except the ‘Last Rose’, of course. By the way, he was also the first violinist who recorded the complete 6 studies by Ernst).

One of the most amazing concerts I’ve seen was when he celebrated his 80thbirthday concert in Salzburg (it may have been to celebrate his 70 years of performing on stage), where he played the Bach double violin concerto, the Beethoven and Paganini concertos. Lots of people were moved by his playing, including some players in the orchestra they told me afterwards, that they were in tears while playing.

My favourite encore piece by him was the transcription of Tarrega, which he played very often in concerts, but in that concert how he played it was magical. The audience didn’t seem to exist; he was there on the stage and this beautiful music came out – like the violin was playing him and there was nothing else in the world. It was like an old man telling you his life story, no technical details, but purely life itself.

Afterwards we students went back stage to congratulate him. After such a moving concert, you know what he said to me? He said, ‘well, you know, you just put the most difficult piece in the beginning [it was the Bach double] and afterwards you can relax!’

He was just so humorous sometimes. He was so human, so noble to everyone, he never appeared arrogant to anyone for who he was and what had he done. When I studied one of the Mozart concertos with him, he said, ‘Play! Just play! Some people think that Mozart is sacred, but in fact when he wrote these concertos he was only an 18 year old boy chasing after girls!’

Mr. Ricci’s great personality and music will always live, because, quite simply he played the way he felt and it goes directly to the core of your heart. Once on the subject of playing the way he liked, rather than by some arbitrary rules, he said “Now, I will play the way I like. It’s better to be a prostitute than a nun.”
This article is dedicated to Maestro Ruggiero Ricci and Mr. Chris Nicholls, the very two important violinists and teachers of my life, who taught me everything they know about the violin and helped me enormously. I am very honoured that they gave me their precious time and valuable lessons, and that they are in my life.
  

Waiting vs. Later

by @elioverbey

– While you long for…-

People say “time flies”
Right now the time doesn’t even go…
Crawling like a patient spider
Constructing his web- waiting for someone delicious
Slow
Feels like a century

What does “later” mean?
When will “later” come?

She smiled-
Sudden breeze in a hot summer’s night,
And said:
Eh, later…

等待 vs. 等會兒
–當你期待著…-
人們說: 時光飛逝
此刻時間卻走也走不動…
如耐心的蜘蛛慢爬
建築它的網–等待著某人的美味
緩慢
宛如一世紀之久
“等會兒” 是什麼意思?
“等會兒”又何時來?
她微笑著,
夏夜裡一陣清風吹來,
且說:
唉,等會兒

Moonlight

by @elioverbey

旦夕之間, 又過了365天
願望- 只能是年輕時無懼的權利?
人們身在四海, 看著她
長嘆道: 究竟是一樣的月光啊!
久久離別, 睜眼閉眼都是所愛的人
千潮萬湧的思念 湊不到足夠的
里程數載你回航
共有的思愁 不同的故事, 仰望今夜
嬋
娟

The Most Beautiful Face

by @elioverbey

你看過世上最美的臉孔嗎

也許是的!

當你看到電視或電影裡的美女帥哥?

演員,亦或是你的初戀情人,你最鍾愛的生活伴侶,或是你歷經萬苦,卻追也追不到手,令你魂牽夢縈的情人,或是你一生最了解你的Soul mate…

也許是,當你第一次擁抱你剛出生的小孩,看他純稚的小臉熟睡著,如此安祥,可愛,純淨,善良,美好…那的確是—The most beautiful face in the world

現在,我想告訴你一個故事,一個真實發生的舊事,那天,我看到了世上最美的臉龐-我看到天使。

那天,是2004年九月二十一號,我正和工作的樂團從阿根廷的Cordoba開車前往Mendoza演奏,為什麼會對這日期如此的記憶深刻呢?因為,位於拉丁南美洲的國家,氣候和歐洲顛倒,那天,正是他們春天的開始,春季的第一天呢!當地的習俗是,男士們送朵花或盆栽給女士,增加些歡樂的氣息。如此的開啟這一天漫長的旅程,不是個最美好的開始嗎?當時,對於幾小時後所發生的事,真是一點預期也沒有,我只是靜靜的看著窗外的街景,想著Sarasate的卡門幻想曲,因為這是我在這回拉丁美洲的巡迴演出中和樂團的協奏曲。

不知不覺的,到了吃午飯的時間了,我們在一個不知是哪的小鎮上停了下來,就在行駛的公路旁,有個露天吃飯的地方供應烤肉。去過阿根廷的人都知道,當地的牛排相當可口,當然,因為義大利移民的影響,吃Pasta的風氣也是普遍,到處都有新鮮的手工義大利麵餐廳,對於我們鍾愛Pasta的人來說,阿根廷可真是美食天堂,且價錢實惠! 再說到那頓公路旁的午餐吧,店家簡單的告訴我們他有哪些肉類,我們就依個人喜好點菜,有什麼就點什麼,倒有點古時候的江湖風味!邊吃飯,邊閒聊著,接著,也是繼續上路的時候了。

上了我們此次的旅遊車,繫上了安全帶,小說從包包中取出,又開始了旅程。不知是過了多久,也許不過是二十,三十分鐘的時間吧,世界竟全然不一樣了:首先,是旅行車向另一邊傾斜,(因為車身一後輪胎脫節,之後警察在幾公里遠的田野中把輪胎找到)接著車子完全的失去控制,我們在一片慌亂中,親眼看著另一輛大卡車從反方向駛來,眼看就要與我們正面相撞了,這時我們的車駕駛(也是我們的團員)極力把車向路旁的田野方向彎轉,車子轉是轉了,可是卻也連帶著一百八十度上下的翻轉,我當時只覺得身在一團混亂裡,頭和背部不知撞了幾回,我真的以為,世界要結束了,當時為了安慰自己身體的劇痛,只是想著,若這真是我們生命的劫數,這痛也不會太久的!在車子裡的經歷,有如一世紀般之久,終於翻轉停止了,緊接著的是四周一片死寂…

也許是一分鐘過後吧,我們隨後的另一輛交旅車(也是我們樂團的人)也停下,接著人們的尖叫聲四起,我和我的先生坐在一起,分別有安全帶繫著,我只覺得背部劇痛，什麼動作都無法做,我心想,若是有骨折或斷了肋骨,我該怎麼拉琴呢?一定得等救護人員到了,在我脖子上套了固定的護架,我才可以活動啊!當時,同車的指揮和其太太、女兒因沒繫安全帶,在車子翻轉中整個人被拋出車外幾公尺之遠,指揮躺在一灘血中,大家都以為他當場死亡…所幸沒有一個人有生命威脅。依稀的記得,耳邊有其他當地人的協助,幫忙打電話叫救護車的,其他沒大礙的團員(包括我的先生)查看其他人的情況。我當時是因背真的痛的厲害,向一位同事要水喝,他把水壺遞給我,我伸手拿竟然拿不住,一壺水就摔到了地上!身旁坐著另一位團員,他承受的痛苦比我還多,整個人臉色發白,他因為怕車子的引擎爆炸,所以要求其他人把他抬出車外…(他最後的確脊椎斷了一節,一年後完成復健,之後已能正常拉琴了)

接著,救護車抵達了,(不,應該是消防隊,在那種小鄉鎮,消防隊兼救護車的用途),救護員細心的把那固定脖子的套子幫我帶上,問我的情況好不好,並把我抬出車外。在前往醫院的途中,陸上的輕微小顛簸都帶給我椎心刺骨的痛,我先生一直在我身旁陪著我,老實說,當時不知為什麼,就是好想好想哭。也許是驚嚇後的反應吧,想藉由眼淚發洩。

到了醫院後,便在急診室躺著等著做X光片的檢查,這時,我的身邊來了位護士照顧我,大約記得她有頭濃黑的捲髮及黝黑友善的臉孔(在車禍中我的眼鏡早不翼而飛了,因此看人都看不清楚,只知道個輪廓!)她問我怎樣,我說我的手好冷,她馬上握起我的雙手,互相摩擦著幫我取暖,我抬頭看著我身旁的每個人,有醫護人員還有把我抬進來的救護人員,每個人的眼裡都露出焦慮及關懷。你知道嗎?頓時我了解了,他們這些也許我一輩子都不會再見到的人,是我所見過世上最美的臉孔! 我對於他們,是個從車禍裡出來,需要幫助的陌生人,而他們在當時給予我精神上的關心和安慰,是種沒有界線的單純的人類之間的愛。我想,也許在車禍過後人的情緒總是較脆弱的吧,那位護士不知如何察覺了我的異樣(也許是想說什麼卻又說不出口的表情),就問我是不是有想哭的衝動,我跟她點頭說是,她馬上就安慰我說:想哭就哭吧,哭出來你會覺得好些!聽完她的話,眼淚隨著情緒一湧而發,這情緒,真的是百般交集的吧!

在那天傍晚,我就想著,哪天我要把這”看到天使”的故事寫下來,這些在我需要時,對我付出關愛的陌生人,讓我第一次看到的人性的美。你曾看過嗎?當你在病痛時,需要幫助時,陌生人給予你的關愛眼神—是這世上最美的臉龐!

我常想,我算是個運氣不錯的人,雖然我對我的生活有不滿意的地方,可是真的,我曾受過許多人的幫助,也許,有些幫助不是明白的”幫忙”,譬如:老師朋友之間淺宜默化的正面影響,或是親人給予的鼓勵,都無形的影響著我們的人格,我覺得,所有在生命中幫助我們的人,都是我們的貴人!因此我想藉著這篇文章,謝謝所有在我生命中的親人,朋友,老師們…沒有你們,我的生活就沒有豐富的內容,真的不會有現在的我…

有時,我在表演獨奏時,也會想到在阿根廷的不知名的小鎮的醫院裡,曾照顧過,幫助過我的人(護士和消防隊員們),他們可曾想過,那一位他們曾付出關懷過的亞洲女孩,當時正等著檢查是否有骨折,在住院的十天後,又可以回樂團拉琴,且又在各地演奏?我完全不知道他們是誰,叫什麼名字,只想獻上我無盡的謝意和愛,想為他們演奏一曲。

Because of you, I saw the most beautiful face in the world.