In several chats in Badoo (yes, it’s a dating app)
Some men ask me: what do you do?
I say: I am a professional musician. I am a violinist.
They continue to ask: so what’s your main job?
I have to laugh about it, maybe feeling bit offended, but mostly out of the amazement that nowadays in Europe, where classical music was born, some people don’t believe that one can make a living by playing.
It shows that our world of classical music is so disconnected from reality. And yet the irony is, the purpose of making any kind of art is to relate to others.
Let me tell you a little bit about becoming a professional musician:
I was lucky to fall in love with music, at an early age
I chose an instrument, or the violin chose me
So that I learned to express my feelings without words.
Love at first sight; it could be destiny or intuition.
While other kids were playing around,
We learned to play through strong determination and discipline.
Sometimes even to the point where we were so fed up, so bored, so lonely, so defeated…
We kept going, solving the technical problems along the way.
Once I was happy to finish my practice in the afternoon,
My dad asked me: how many times do you eat per a day?
I said: 3
My dad: so go to practice some more in the evening!
We are the crazy ones who choose a passion and make it a profession.
Not even knowing if doing so is going to bring us money.
It’s a profession that transforms our being, we are slaves of what we love.
We set goals to enter competitions and conservatories, or to get a job in an orchestra,
Sometimes during the process, the pressure, the practice, the anxiety
Makes us forget that playing was meant to be fun.
That making music was a journey of self love.
We learned how to deal with solitude,
We learned about team work while playing chamber music,
We learned about how to let go of our ego, but not our being (my sound still has to be heard)
And also to be a strong presence when I am on my own.
My favorite moment is not how well I play, how I impress people on the stage
But when I bring some audience to tears through music.
It’s when I express emotion, and to sense that I’m communicating with the sea of people, that something touches their memories or creates a new sensation, and a wave of energy comes back to me.
I can’t move people if they are not tuned in to me, if they don’t want to be moved.
A wonderful performance requires that the both parties are attentive and open.
I’m not the only artist in the hall, but we all are.
It is like loving someone.
We have a proper degree like any other field of study, from bachelor to doctorate, the only difference is that before we enter a university, we’ve already been learning an instrument since we were five.
Once you start earning by playing
It is like any other job
You get bored but you keep playing
You play stuff you like or you hate
You complain about the conductors
You lose the passion from time to time
But it is your duty to seek inspiration
To fall back in love with your dedication
Yes, Music is what I do but not what I am or who I am
Life is much bigger than music itself
The richer your life, the more you can tell a story
The more I love, the more I live
By loving music, music also gives me something in return
The courage to take risks, to trust, to be brave,
To be open to surprises on the stage, to be spontaneous, to accept that life just goes wrong sometimes, but you’ll find a way to go on.
To learn what suggestions you should listen to carefully, and what to ignore
To be in a meditative state in which our minds become no-minds
Only because I’m doing something I’m meant to do
And in this world there is no I, no you, no others
It’s being here and now.
We spend years to become musicians
To create an art which no one can grab with their hand, which no one can see.
When you hear a note
The next second it’s already gone
A very bad investment- to be honest
But it has an amazing power to heal people’s heart, including our own.
The sensation stays, a momentary feeling becomes long lasting.
Sometimes I say to people
That my longest relationship ‘til now is 13 years,
But my relationship with music lasts way longer.
It was a love discovered in my childhood,
Grows with crisis – when I felt so burnt out, desperate to give up and to find something else to do
But when I was losing myself, not knowing where I should be going
Holding the violin in my hands made me find my way again
I am not the same musician as I was ten years ago
With the same piece I’ll perform differently
The feeling stays true but the content is never alike, even though they are the same notes.
I can only speak for myself
But in this modern world where relationships have many forms, such as
“Friends with benefits”, polyamory…
Music has taught me
What a deep and passionate monogamy feels like.